A recent webinar sponsored by the UUA focused on the challenges to today’s parents with children at home. The problems of stress among parents and their effects on children have become acute enough that U. S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy has developed policies and programs to address them. As Dr. Murthy said,
“Parents have a profound impact on the health of our children and the health of society. Yet parents and caregivers today face tremendous pressures, from familiar stressors such as worrying about their kids’ health and safety and financial concerns, to new challenges like navigating technology and social media, a youth mental health crisis, an epidemic of loneliness that has hit young people the hardest. As a father of two kids, I feel these pressures too. With this Advisory, I am calling for a fundamental shift in how we value and prioritize the mental health and well-being of parents. I am also outlining policies, programs, and individual actions we can all take to support parents and caregivers.”
The UUA webinar featured several parents talking about their difficulties and suggesting things their congregations might do to help. There were at least 50 parents from all over the country discussing the issues raised.
Some of the concerns expressed were:
• The frustration and loneliness of having mountains of chores (laundry, cooking, shopping, etc.) to do in addition to kids’ appointments and activities and work-related responsibilities.
• Many parents work from home, and when a child is sick or on break, there is no childcare available.
• Some grandparents don’t understand that parenting stresses are different today than when they were doing it.
▪ While technology is helpful for many things, it is incredibly frustrating and depressing when it doesn’t work.
▪ Many parents don’t live near family members who can help in a pinch.
▪ Existential crises and threats to our well-being are more abundant, either in the foreground or the background.
▪ Greater understanding of the psychological needs of children puts more pressure on parents to create the best possible environment and respond in the most developmentally beneficial way for each of their children.
What to do? Brainstormed ideas:
• Create community spaces where parents can do things on their to-do lists while their kids play – maybe have Laundry Folding Days, for example.
• Hold intergenerational conversations about parenting, remembering that “help” is defined differently in different families.
• Bring dinner.
• Take kids out during Sunday service. Many children do not have the interest or the attention span to sit quietly through a Sunday service. Parents of these children find that it is not worth coming to the service if they have to spend the whole time keeping their quiet or walking around the building with them.
• Have Family Camp Days – fun activities that the whole family can do together.
• Offer childcare
o Parents’ Night Out every other Friday?
• Be “aunties,” “uncles,” “grandparents” – Be the village
• Be willing to play. Building trust and nurturing a sense of belonging go a long way for our children, living as we do in such an uncertain and threatened time.
We might also want to read some books like The Nordic Theory of Everything about the way societies are set up in other parts of the world to address these problems. I hope we can continue this discussion and find ways to support the children and parents in our “village.”
