Deep listening is a way of practicing liberating love. A tricky thing is that love creates attachment. When we love something or someone, we often develop expectations. Maybe even demands. Listening without demands or expectations can be really tough. Especially when something or someone we love is expressing something we don’t want to hear.

We’re getting a little bit of practice with this in a couple of ways this week. And it isn’t practice we asked for or wanted. We’ve had the opportunity to listen to some things in the life of our congregation that are disappointing or frustrating. 

I’m talking about our website for one thing. As I write this reflection, I’m not even sure when anyone will be able to read it. What began as an inconvenience has stretched into days of not being able to access our congregation’s website. For some of our volunteers and staff, this has been phenomenally aggravating.

Even more aggravating is that the partners we trust to help us tend to our online space gave us conflicting information and advice. We were very attached to having a functioning and accessible website, and despite the fiercest efforts on the part of some people in our community, it was beyond our control. There was nothing we could do to manifest what we wanted. At a certain point, we had to let go.

First, though, we had to be heard. The people who could take meaningful action needed to hear with clarity that we had a problem in our relationship. Things were not functioning as intended. (In some circles we would name this a problem of integrity.) Deep listening had to happen.

Once we had confirmation that someone else understood our pain and was willing to take appropriate responsibility, it wouldn’t have made sense for us to keep trying to fix something beyond our control. Even at this moment, I’m letting go of my expectations and trusting that this particular state of disconnection is temporary.

That fits with the beautiful and poignant message of autumn: Everything is temporary. This can be a comfort. It also means that we will always have opportunities to practice letting go. Sometimes before we’re ready.

A second place we’re practicing this in our community is with our Wednesday evening suppers. I love the idea of coming together over a meal as a community. I’ve loved the experience of it. Yet, if I practice deep listening—not to an individual, but to the fullness of our community—the energy and resources aren’t present at this moment to maintain a regular weekly practice of coming together over a meal. 

That isn’t a message I want to hear. But deep listening isn’t about what I want to hear. And maybe in hearing and accepting reality, space is opened for something new. Maybe we realize new possibilities when we let go of our attachments to how things must be.

So, in deep listening, we liberate other people from our demands and expectations, and we liberate other people to be their authentic selves with us. In deep listening, we liberate ourselves from the frustration of demanding that reality be different from what it is, and we liberate ourselves to new possibilities that we might never have considered before we had the courage to let go of our attachments. 

To what are you deeply listening? And what attachments does that listening invite you to let go?

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