Our theme throughout the month of October is Deep Listening. As a community practice, we’re decorating a “Listening Stick” with ribbons to acknowledge times when we feel deeply heard. Hopefully, by the end of the month, we’ll have a vibrant and colorful display representing how we have deeply listened to one another throughout the month. 

This practice is most directly inspired by a Lakota tradition of using a “talking stick” to allow for equitable expression of sacred ideas and opinions at gatherings. A little research revealed that all sorts of human cultures have developed similar practices independent of one another. 

In the Iliad, Achilles suggests that the golden herald’s wand (kerycheion) of Hermes would allow one to speak without interruption. Cave paintings in France from a time before written history show people with batons that some people theorize could have been “talking sticks.” A bit less theoretical and more verifiable, Aboriginal Australians and the Maasai peoples in Kenya and Tanzania use talking sticks in their gatherings. For a very long time it seems, people have sought ways to ensure that everyone is heard.

We are doing something a little different this month, inspired by this apparently ubiquitous practice. Rather than using a physical object to designate the role of speaker, we are allowing a “Listening Stick” to serve as a visual representation of how we deeply listen to one another. The decorated staff might be a more permanent reminder of ephemeral moments when we have been generous with our listening and vulnerable with our sharing. 

Of course, we want to keep going with a practice of deep listening beyond the month of October. We highlight and focus on practices like this for a short period of time, hoping that the results will ripple outward and become habits. Maybe the example of our community culture will even serve as an inspiration to others.

As we mindfully consider what it feels like to be deeply heard, and we intentionally lean into a commitment to listen deeply to one another, maybe there are ways we want to extend this practice into other areas of our lives. What would it be like to deeply listen to one another in our families? Or in our classrooms? Or within our workplace? Are there ways we might invite more intentional listening that are uniquely suited to the different spaces where we live and work and play?

Maybe it doesn’t need to be a physical object at all. Maybe it’s an intentional way we take a breath before responding. Or a posture that signals that we’re tuned in to what someone is saying. Maybe it’s simply a practice of trusting ourselves to respond thoughtfully and compassionately without having to plan out our responses while another person is still speaking. It could be a lot of different things.

May you be aware of all of your opportunities to deeply listen to others this month and in the months to come, may you be aware of those times when others deeply listen to you, and may all of our sharing and listening be wrapped in a spirit of gratitude.   

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