When we hear ourselves saying No, though, we can often learn something by inviting some reflection for ourselves. Just for our own benefit. Not for public approval. 

In our reflection we might ask Is this No within the triangle of freedom, responsibility, and love? Or am I saying No out of fear or a sense that I need to protect something? We might consider what values our No connects us to. We might wonder what we feel in our bodies as we set that boundary. And our reflection might help us clarify what we are saying Yes to.

Sometimes the thing we choose to say Yes to is the real boundary. The things we give our word to with integrity might be the active expressions of freedom, responsibility, and love that define what we create and what we allow. There’s a difference between me saying, “I’m not going to check my work email on Friday,” and saying instead, “I set aside Fridays for my own nourishment and restoration.” All of the different things I might say No to become extensions of the boundary I set around saying Yes to a consistent personal sabbath. 

So, when we find ourselves feeling exhausted from boundary setting, it may be that we haven’t yet identified what it is we want to say Yes to. And again, what we say Yes to isn’t for anyone else to approve or challenge. It’s for our own clarity that we reflect and discern what we want to allow and what we want to create. Once we know that, everything else becomes easier to say No to, without feeling like we have to prepare for battle to defend a two-letter word.

What do your values call you to create? What sources of wholeness and well-being do you allow in your life? It’s another way of asking: What is your vision for your life, for your relationships, and for the world? Saying Yes to that vision consistently might be the same thing as setting healthy boundaries defined by freedom, responsibility, and love.

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